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Timothy Bukhumune
There is something about a fight, especially when the fight involves the wife or girlfriend. Some people argue that there is a need to discipline, to show authority and to let them know who the man in the relationship is. Anybody who has watched the film The Colour Purple which stars Danny Glover and Oprah Winfrey, will remember the scene where a recently married young man felt the need to discipline his wife. Seeking advice from his father, the young man said: “When I get home and ask for food or water to bathe, she just looks at me and tells me, ‘You know where the kitchen is and where the well is.’”
His father (Glover) paused for a while and said, “Son, that belt round your waist has a dual purpose. The first is to hold up your trousers, and the second is to give her a good lashing.”
That evening, when he got home, he attempted to give his wife (Winfrey) a lashing. But he came out on the loosing end. He ended up with black eyes. She was lucky.
In some households, wife- or girlfriend-beating is the norm. And one of my neighbours firmly believes that is as it should be. One morning, the neighbourhood was woken up at 7:30am by the sound of a woman screaming and begging for forgiveness. In between her cries and pleas, one could definitely hear the sound of a lashing in progress which went on for close to 15 minutes.
But Neighbour Wife Beater did not just beat his wife in the confines of his house. He humiliated her by administering the beating by the roadside where the taxis and other people on their way to work would stop to gawk — some encouraging him to beat her harder, others looking on in disgust.
Paul is educated. Good schools, Makerere University and a nice white collar job. But he has a problem in that he just cannot stop beating his wife. The tale is told that one morning as he was driving through town, he spotted his then-girlfriend in a friendly conversation with another man on the streets of Kampala. That was enough to snap his wires. He calmly parked his car, walked over to her and beat her like there was no tomorrow. And it was only 10:30am — not to say that girlfriend-beating has an appropriate time.
As all this was going on, his boss at work happened to be driving by and saw what was going on. By the time Paul walked into his office nursing bruised knuckles he found a letter of dismissal on his desk.
James falls in the category of Wife Beating Neighbour and Paul. His office department had gone on a retreat to discuss performances. Among the people on the retreat were senior managers from Kampala and the top bosses from the regional head office in Nairobi. As the retreat came to a close, wives and girlfriends were allowed to join their partners for a drink up to mark the end of the retreat. Now, somewhere down the line James and his girlfriend had a small tiff, which became a bigger tiff that ended up in a fight. In spite of the fact that the top brass were all in the room, James goofed her, while his colleagues especially those from Nairobi looked on in utter disbelief.
And then there is Steven who, while doing some work in the evening at the Rock Bar, was so irked when his wife who was waiting for him struck up a conversation with the man sitting at the bar next to her. Pulling the microphone from the DJ, he bellowed into it: “That is my wife, leave her alone.” And to emphasise his point he walked round to her and administered several hot slaps.
Regardless of whether the beating is done in public or in the confines of one’s home it should not be done at all, argue some men. But if you took the stance of engineer Charles Kazibwe who publicly declared, “I only slapped her twice”, the key word being “only”, then those men who subscribe to his point of view include people like Wife Beating Neighbour, Paul, James and Steven.
Ends
Published on: Saturday, 21st October, 2006
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